My Purpose Regardless of my Condition.

My Purpose For Life . . .

I hope you are doing well and that you are off to a good start in the New Year.  Wow, they go by so fast.  I need to push "pause" on life and stop long enough to think through my priorities.  It's so easy to drift off course and I want to stay focused this year on what's most important.  

I want to "Love God, love people and tell the Good News about Jesus."

That's my purpose for this year.  It's from the greatest commands:  

1.)  Love God with all your ...  

2.)  Love your neighbor as you love yourself ..." (Matt. 22:37-40)  

3.)  Tell others the Good News about Jesus (Matt. 28:27) 

- that's what we are called to do as believers.  Since they come directly from the bible I thought that they would be pretty good priorities for me.

I hope you are sensing God's strength and presence in your life as you seek Him each new day.

The Lie

The Lie . . . 

It is so common that we don’t even think about it.  It happens every week, probably in every church; at least the ones I’ve attended.  We do it without even realizing that we do it.  We set up or are set up multiple times on any given Sunday.  As a matter of fact, it has become the normal way of greeting, but most likely it is not a real question.  “Hi, how are you?”

“Hi, how are you?”  The quick and usual answer is, “Good” or “Fine”. Really, is that the truth when saying “Good” or “Fine”?  Is that true, or is it “The lie”?  “How are you” is not usually a real question, it’s a form of greeting. 

I am asked that question every week by multiple people and honestly I’m not sure what to say? Do they really want to know, or are they just saying “Hi”?    Most people expect to hear, “Good” or “Fine”.  But the truth is that I’m going through challenges, struggles and problems that most people don’t really want to talk about.  If I’d really tell the truth it gets a little uncomfortable and many people don’t really know what to say in response.  The truth is that I’m losing my vision and it is becoming a serious problem.  The truth is that I have severe hearing loss, so I’m missing out on conversations and asking people to repeat what they said.  The truth is that I’m having multiple seizures per week, sometimes several in a single day.  The truth is that I feel stupid because I can’t remember even the simple things.  The truth is that I feel more like a burden than a blessing. The truth is that my physical condition is declining and discouraging.  The truth is I don’t have any hope of things improving unless God would grant me a miracle. 

I don’t want to lie.  I want to be honest and real, so I'm learning what to say when asked the question, "How are you?"
·     I’m glad to be alive.
·     I thank God for …”
·     I’m glad that …
*   In comparison I’m doing great.
·    God has been helping me with …

*    *  I’m doing well in the condition that I’m in.

Sometimes I take the risk and answer …

• The truth is that I’ve been struggling with physical issues.
• The truth is that my cancer treatments are now affecting me.
• The truth is that I need your prayers for . . .

So what are some good options to say so that we don’t set people up for “The Lie”?  Instead we can say ...

·         Good morning, afternoon, evening.

·         I’m glad to see you.

·         I’m glad you are here today.

·         You’re looking good today.

·         I like that outfit. 

·         You have a great smile.

·         You’re an encouragement to me.

·         I am grateful for your friendship.

·         I missed you last Sunday, or I missed you at …

·         Etc Etc – you can think of some other good options.

We need to be more careful so we don’t set up “The Lie”.  Unless you really care, want to know and have the time to listen, don’t ask, “How are you?”

The truth is that my hope, my confidence, my comfort is in the Lord, Jesus Christ.  

Good Things In Bad Times

In the difficult, hard, negative or bad times of life that good things become more clear.  I can see good things in bad times. They help to clarify priorities and principles by which I want to live, while I live.  It was in the brain cancer diagnosis and being told that I had less than a year to live that somethings became clear.  They were good for me to see and clarify.  It was in the hardship, the darkest night and the deepest valley that priorities became so clear.  It’s good to be reminded that there are good things in bad times.

·      It is good to be reminded that every day is a gift from God.

I have a deeper awareness that one day I’m going to die and leave this world.  I want to “count my days and make my days count”.  Every new day that God gives me is a gift.

·   It is good to be reminded that family are the most important people in the world.

They are the ones who loved me and really cared about me when I was going through hard times.  It’s family that we’ve wanted to be with for birthday and holidays.  It’s sad that I can treat strangers better than I sometimes treat my family members.

·   It is good to be reminded how important it is to have close friends.

I needed friends that really cared enough to do something about it and they did.  It’s fare to say that in my journey that I have needed friends more than they have needed me.  Close friends have been so helpful and encouraging through the darkest nights and deepest valleys. 

·   It’ s good to be reminded about the importance of giving.

 It has been said that we should, “Do our giving while we’re living so we’re knowing where it’s going”.   I realize that I have so much compared to most of the world.  I want to give more.  I want to invest in eternity by giving to Christian ministries and to those in great need.  Now’s the time!  There are so many needs and I can only give while I am still alive.

·   It is good to be reminded or realize how terrible sin is to a holy God.  

It’s sad that I or we can so easily enjoy for entertainment things for which Jesus had to die.  I want to grow in my walk with Christ.  As I’ve grown closer to God I find that I want to be further away from sin and evil.

·   It is good to be reminded that worshiping God is a key to victory in hard times.

I found that by worshiping the Lord that I received strength, encouragement and hope.  I experienced God's presence and peace when I worshiped Him.  I realized that I was in a "Win - win" scenario". If God healed me, I win.  If I die I will go to be with the Lord, I win.  

·   It’s good to be reminded that knowing Jesus as my personal Savior is the most important thing in this world. 

With my brain cancer diagnosis there was a greater need to know that I was forgiven, saved, was up to date in my relationship with the Jesus and had the hope of heaven.  I learned to live with a greater desire to be closer to Jesus.  It was good to want to be closer to Jesus. 

I guess that’s why the bible says there are good things in bad times . . .  

Psalm 119:67 “Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey Your word.”

Psalm 119:71 “It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn Your decrees.”

James 1:2-4   “Consider it pure joy …whenever you face trials of many kinds … because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete …”

Yes, there are good things in bad times!

Closing the Curtains In Fear of being shot

Closing the Curtains

The memories of dramatic or traumatic experiences live on in our minds indefinitely.   For me it involves a terrorist attack and now closing the curtains every night when it gets dark.  Most nights I walk around to make sure all the windows are shut, the blinds are closed and the curtains are pulled shut.  It’s something that I just have to do to feel comfortable, especially with all the crazy shootings that have been happening.

It all started while we were living in Rhodesia, now Zimbabwe, Africa.  I got a phone call from my parents at the boarding home where I lived during the school year.  They told me that terrorists had attack the mission, many gun shots had been fired but they were okay. The neighboring missionaries home had been shot up pretty badly, but no one was killed. I was to pray for safety!  I remember a panic that filled me as I wondered if my parents would be alright.  They were living approximately 100 miles away in “the bush” from the city of Bulawayo and very vulnerable to terrorist attacks when they needed money, food, clothes, vehicles, etc.

But it was the times I would get to go home during the holidays or breaks when school was closed that I remember so clearly.  There are still emotions and fears buried deep inside of me.  News casts and newspapers told stories of how terrorists had stopped travelers to get the supplies that had been purchased in the city.  Some had been stopped, some shot, some were killed when they drove over land mines while traveling out of the city.  While we travel in the car, I would slide deep down in my seat and crouch down beside the frame of the car by the window.  I sat like that till it became too uncomfortable to stay in that position and only move slightly to relieve the pain.  I was afraid that we were going to be shot and killed.  After traveling on the paved roads we had about 7 miles of dirt road to our house.  Every inch of that drive I wondered if we would blow up from hitting a land mine.  That was not uncommon in the news.  It always seemed to involve terrorists getting supplies that they needed.

I was 15 and living in that condition was very stressful for me, but especially as it began to get dark.  We all came inside, locked all the doors, shut the windows and closed the curtains.  All of our lights were turned off for the night and if we needed to move around, we used a small flashlight or a candle to see.  We went into one bedroom for the night and slept on mattresses on the floor.  We kept loaded riffles beside our mattresses in case we would get attack.  A large bureau was pushed up against the window and it was stuffed full of books, clothes and blankets in the hope of stopping any bullets that might be fired at our house.  We kept our movements to as few as possible, trying to not even go to the bathroom at night.  It’s so easy to be seen in a house when it’s dark outside and the lights are on in the inside.  It was only as the dark was dispelled by the rising sun that we felt comfortable enough to come out of that bedroom.

I was changed by living in that fear for months.  I am still uncomfortable at windows when it’s dark.  There’s an inner discomfort that there may be someone watching from outside.  So, I close the curtains, I talk to the Lord while thinking for some reason that I might get shot.  Over the years closing the curtains have become little spiritual tune-ups with the Lord. I want to be in right relationship with Hun regardless of how, when or where I die.

Maybe many people have those experiences that change their lives and remind you to pray?
For me there have often been little prayers while closing the curtains.  

STrong Winds and High Waves

  Strong Winds and High Waves

Just days before I had “that” speaking engagement and “that” grand mal seizure, I was having a very deep, tender time in prayer.  It was one of those times that I sensed the Lord’s presence so close and so real.  It was one of those prayer times when my heart cried and the tears flowed freely.  As I was praying, I had an awareness of my desperate need for Him. I needed His cleansing and transforming power.  I actually prayed, asking God to do whatever He needed to do to draw me closer, to give me a deeper and real love for Him.  I ask that he \would give me a genuine hatred for sin; that sin would be disgusting to me.  I asked Him to keep me from “falling off the edge” into sins that ruin and wreck. I asked that He would help me to love Him more than before.  O God, please change my head and my heart!  Keep me from failing and falling into sin!

I had no idea what was coming.  The storm of a brain cancer diagnosis with a prognosis of approximately 50 weeks to live.  I was told that I was going to die!  Then, the radiation, the chemo and the accompanying sickness and weakness.  I remember being so sick and vomiting so hard that I couldn’t get my breath.  I was vomiting so hard that I felt like my stomach would be torn out.

After following the procedures and protocol of medical treatments in the USA we made over 20 trips from San Diego to Mexico for alternative treatments for cancer. 

O my goodness!  The storm, the strong winds and the high waves!

What is interesting is that just soon after this all started; I was drawn to Matthew 14:22-33. 

I heard the story many times growing up, but this time it was different.  It was Peter that really caught my attention.  The part about Peter, the boat, the wind, the waves, his fear of drowning and his cry; actually probably his scream to Jesus!  After all, he was in storm of blowing winds, crashing waves and afraid he was going to die.  Yes, I related to that!

1.    Peter was invited to step into the deep water where Jesus was walking.  He was calling me to go deeper in my walk with Him. 

2.   Peter walked toward Jesus on top of the waves as he looked at Jesus.  Even though I’ve tried to walk on water, that’s beyond human ability, but enabled by Christ’s power.

3.   It’s when he took his eyes off Jesus that he began to sink in fear.  That is good insight. 

4.   It’s when he cried out and reached out to Jesus that he was rescued.  That’s good advice.  If I keep my eyes on Jesus I can get through this storm, or any storm!

5.   It’s in keeping my eyes on Jesus that I don’t need to be afraid.  I can get through the storm.  That’s the point!  Keep my eyes on Jesus.  He helped me to see that I was in a “win win” scenario.  If I died I was going to be with Jesus. If I lived, I could live for Jesus.  Yes, that’s a “Win – Win” situation!

The Lord was speaking to me.  Not just a whisper. He was talking loudly to me.  “Keep your eyes on Me in your storm!”  The message was so clear.  If I will keep my eyes on Jesus I will be able to overcome the storm I was facing.

That was good then and it’s still good now.  As I face new parts of this storm, I’ve got to keep my eyes on Jesus.  I know from Peter’s story that if I don’t keep my eyes on Jesus that I will be overwhelmed and sink into discouragement, depression, self-pity, lost purpose and lost meaning. 

The message relates and the point is clear;

I’ve got to keep my eyes on Jesus and cry out to Him to get through the storms of life! 

The Water Walker

The “Water-Walker “

As a boy, I lived with 30 other missionary kids in Africa.  Occasionally we got to go to the city pool.  That was a big deal for me.  Sometimes we would run off the edge of the pool and see how far we could go before sinking into the water.  It was a futile effort.  We would sink into the water every time.  But Jesus did something that I have never done.  He walked on water when the storm was strong and the waves were high!  The “Water-Walker”.

Matthew 14:22-25

Jesus had just fed 5,000 men, not to mention all of the women and children.  It could easily have been more than 10,000 people.  As He was in a crowd where there must have been handshakes, hugs, questions and talking to individuals all around Him. All of that must have left him exhausted, even overwhelmed.  After all the people had eaten, Jesus sent the crowd away and even sent His disciples away, so He could be alone. (v.22-23)  Apparently, He needed some rest and renewal away from people because of all that was going on.  After reading about all that Jesus had been doing I would have been looking for a hot meal, a hot shower and a comfortable bed, but in His fatigue Jesus climbed the mountain to be alone.  He didn’t climb the mountain to find a quiet place away from people so  He could sleep.  He climbed the mountain to be alone to pray.  Really? Yes, He went to pray even when He must have been exhausted. In addition there must have been a growing sense of what was ahead.

V.23 says; “When evening came”. It’s fairly safe to say that evening is between 6:00 and 9:00 PM.  He went there to be alone.  What did He do?  He prayed!

V.25 tells us that Jesus came down the mountain in the fourth watch of the night. That would have been sometime between 3:00 and 6:00 AM.  When you do the math, Jesus was in that place of prayer for at least 6 hours. 9:00 PM till 3:00 AM.  But He could have prayed from 6:00 PM to 6:00 AM.  That’s 12 hours.  We don’t know exactly what time it was when Jesus went up the mountain or came down; but the point is that He prayed for a long, long time.  Why, because there was a whole lot going on in His life.

I was seeing that I needed to pray more because I needed His help and strength more than ever before.  I was busy with multiple positions and responsibilities at the church where I was on staff.  That included overseeing the adult classes that met every Sunday, which included recruiting teachers, assist as needed and encourage them to be good leaders.   I was responsible to manage the custodial crew that kept the facilities clean at the church. I was leading a young married class which involved teaching every Sunday and securing leaders for a variety of ministry positions.  I was discipling and mentoring eight young men with a one year commitment.   I was responsible to oversee 10 small groups that met each week.  I was in the middle of pursuing my Masters Degree.  I had accepted an invitation to do some itinerant speaking.  In addition I was a husband and father of two little girls.  There was a whole lot going on in my life.

Then, in the middle of all that was happening in my life, I had a grand mal seizure, had brain surgery and was diagnosed with brain cancer and given a prognosis of about 50 weeks to live.

I needed to pray.  I needed God’s help and strength to walk into a storm on top of the “water” of my circumstances.   The wind was strong and the waves seemed to be so high. 

You know, I still need to take more time to be alone with God.  I need to pray more than I have been because the waves of my life have been pretty big and my “storm”, my “waves” only seem to be getting bigger.  That’s what I needed then and that’s what I need now.  If I’m going to be a "water walker:; to walk on the water of my circumstances, I need too; I’ve got to pray more!

Life Changing Passages #1

Throughout my cancer journey there have been special and specific passages of scripture that have related to me.  They are the stories that I have gone back to again and again, because it seems like God gave these stories specifically to me. 

#1  Worship in Your Wars

 After my first brain surgery in Baltimore, MD I was awake for a short period of time during the night.  A friend had given to me a little cassette player and a selection of worship cassettes.  I put the headphones under my chin, since my head was wrapped up in multiple bandages like a turbine.  As I listened to the songs I was comforted and the sweet peace and presence of the Lord seemed to fill my room.  It was at that point that I reached over and grabbed my bible, which had been put on the stand beside the bed.  Somehow, someway, I turned to 2 Chronicles 20 and read the chapter?

The enemies of Jehoshaphat were coming to do battle against him and his people.  Jehoshaphat reacted by calling the people of Judah together, “to seek help from the Lord.”  (v. 6 – 12) It was a time of passionate and pleading prayer, asking God for His help.  (v.9) – “… and will cry out to You in our distress …”  Yes, I related to that!  I was facing the battle of my life.

It was during that time of prayer, that a man; Jahaziel, stood up and said, “This is what the Lord says to you: Don’t be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army.  For the battle is not yours, but God’s.”(v.15)  It’s amazing that in that time of distress the people worshiped the Lord with “very loud voices”.  (v.18-19)  In the battle I was facing, brain cancer, my only hope was that God was in control of my battle.  I was going to die if God didn’t rescue me!

The next morning, Jehoshaphat challenged the people to have faith in God; then he consulted with the people. (v.21)  The next decision seemed absolutely stupid.  Jehoshaphat appointed singers to be the leaders in going out to the battle?  So they sang, “Give thanks to the Lord, for His love endures forever.” This makes no sense! I mean really, a worship team in front of the soldiers, headed into a huge battle.  Why would you ever put a ‘worship team’ in front of the soldiers to go into battle?  It seemed like Jehoshaphat was going to offer his people as a sacrifice with the hope of gaining peace.

As they sang, God turned their enemy against themselves and they totally destroyed each other.(v.22-23)  God stepped in; He intervened in their battle, brought deliverance and the victory was won.

What was God saying to me?  I was facing the battle for my life.  In my head and my heart, I heard Him saying, this is not your battle.  What was I supposed to do?  Worship Him!  The days and weeks that followed were dramatically changed because I focused on worshiping the Lord.  When we began to sing at church, or when I listened to worship songs, tears flowed freely down my cheeks.  The reading of God’s word publicly or privately, melted me to tears.  My head and my heart worshiped the Lord in a depth that I had never experienced before.  His arms and His peace surrounded me.  Somehow and in some way, it was through worshiping the Lord that my battles then and now, have been won. I’m finding that when facing battles of all kinds, worshiping the Lord is a powerful weapon against the Enemy, or any battle that I might be facing.

  I am learning that Worship is the key to victory, in every situation.