Closing the Curtains In Fear of being shot

Closing the Curtains

The memories of dramatic or traumatic experiences live on in our minds indefinitely.   For me it involves a terrorist attack and now closing the curtains every night when it gets dark.  Most nights I walk around to make sure all the windows are shut, the blinds are closed and the curtains are pulled shut.  It’s something that I just have to do to feel comfortable, especially with all the crazy shootings that have been happening.

It all started while we were living in Rhodesia, now Zimbabwe, Africa.  I got a phone call from my parents at the boarding home where I lived during the school year.  They told me that terrorists had attack the mission, many gun shots had been fired but they were okay. The neighboring missionaries home had been shot up pretty badly, but no one was killed. I was to pray for safety!  I remember a panic that filled me as I wondered if my parents would be alright.  They were living approximately 100 miles away in “the bush” from the city of Bulawayo and very vulnerable to terrorist attacks when they needed money, food, clothes, vehicles, etc.

But it was the times I would get to go home during the holidays or breaks when school was closed that I remember so clearly.  There are still emotions and fears buried deep inside of me.  News casts and newspapers told stories of how terrorists had stopped travelers to get the supplies that had been purchased in the city.  Some had been stopped, some shot, some were killed when they drove over land mines while traveling out of the city.  While we travel in the car, I would slide deep down in my seat and crouch down beside the frame of the car by the window.  I sat like that till it became too uncomfortable to stay in that position and only move slightly to relieve the pain.  I was afraid that we were going to be shot and killed.  After traveling on the paved roads we had about 7 miles of dirt road to our house.  Every inch of that drive I wondered if we would blow up from hitting a land mine.  That was not uncommon in the news.  It always seemed to involve terrorists getting supplies that they needed.

I was 15 and living in that condition was very stressful for me, but especially as it began to get dark.  We all came inside, locked all the doors, shut the windows and closed the curtains.  All of our lights were turned off for the night and if we needed to move around, we used a small flashlight or a candle to see.  We went into one bedroom for the night and slept on mattresses on the floor.  We kept loaded riffles beside our mattresses in case we would get attack.  A large bureau was pushed up against the window and it was stuffed full of books, clothes and blankets in the hope of stopping any bullets that might be fired at our house.  We kept our movements to as few as possible, trying to not even go to the bathroom at night.  It’s so easy to be seen in a house when it’s dark outside and the lights are on in the inside.  It was only as the dark was dispelled by the rising sun that we felt comfortable enough to come out of that bedroom.

I was changed by living in that fear for months.  I am still uncomfortable at windows when it’s dark.  There’s an inner discomfort that there may be someone watching from outside.  So, I close the curtains, I talk to the Lord while thinking for some reason that I might get shot.  Over the years closing the curtains have become little spiritual tune-ups with the Lord. I want to be in right relationship with Hun regardless of how, when or where I die.

Maybe many people have those experiences that change their lives and remind you to pray?
For me there have often been little prayers while closing the curtains.