When brain Cancer puts you on the bench

A View from the Bench

When Brain Cancer Puts you on the Bench.

Insights from the Sideline When You’re Injured

Anyone who is familiar with sports knows what it means to be benched.  For some it’s been bad attitudes or actions.  For some it’s been the failure to perform, or maybe some sort of physical problem.  For some it’s that age has impacted their ability to play the game anymore; but the one that I relate to the most is the one who has to sit on the bench because they are injured.  Now I watch others “play the game.” 

Brain cancer!  Seizures!  Loss of hearing.  Loss of eye sight and memory!  Loss of a job!  Loss of the freedom and privilege of driving!  Yes, I’m the injured player that sits on the bench and know I can’t play anymore and most likely never will again.  That’s hard to accept.  There have been so many times that I have thought that if I could still play, I could make a difference. 

There are others that have some sort of injury and are on the bench.  For some, it’s even the end of their career in sports.  They are on the bench of “has been”, or “once was”. 

I’ve learned that when sitting on the bench, the game goes on without me. I’m

 not noticed or needed as much as I once was.  On the bench, I realize that I’m not as important or even thought of as I like to be.  People don’t need me.  It’s hard to be on the bench because I want to feel loved, needed, important, valued and appreciated. It’s especially hard when for some reason God has put me on the bench of life, for the rest of my life.

I wish I could tell you how well I have done on the “bench”.  I wish that I could tell you how strong I have been spiritually through my brain cancer journey, but the truth is that there have been times when I haven’t done so well.  I have struggled in trying to understand why God allowed all of “this” to happen after He had opened so many doors and opportunities.  It’s been hard to accept that my dreams and hopes have come crashing down.  I have battled depression. I have felt so useless,  so lonely, so discouraged.  I don’t think that I’ve been angry at God, but I have had times of being angry about what has happened to me.  When interacting with people, I’ve been smiling on the outside, but crying on the inside.  I think that somewhere inside me there is a great disappointment that I don’t know quite how to deal with.  I’m wrestling with the reality that I might be on the bench the rest of my life; until “my game’ is over.

But my hope and confidence is that God has not removed me from the ‘team’, I just have to believe that there is a different position for me to play.  So, how can I still be part of “the game” from the bench?

·         I can cheer for and encourage individuals on the ‘field’. We all want and need encouragement from time to time.

·         I can pray specifically for individual needs. I like when others pray for me.

·         I can take notice of specific gifts, skills and talents, then affirm them.  I like that too.

·         I can celebrate the wins with them, whether little or large.  I like someone to celebrate my  advances and wins with me.

·         I can be there as a friend, when there have been losses and things haven’t gone so good.   There are times that I just need a friend who will sit with me, hug me and tell me they love and appreciate me.

·         I can better understand, help and encourage others who are hurting, injured, ‘benched’ in life, discouraged or depressed because of what has happened to me.

Somewhere, someone said, “It’s not what happens to you, it’s what happens in you that’s really important.”

I guess I’m realizing that regardless of what has happened to me, I can still make a difference in the lives of others whether on the “field” or on “the bench”.  Just maybe the biggest way I can do that is to encourage everyone I can, for everything I can, every time I can.  The Coach seems to think that’s really important and all of us can do it.

·         1 Thess. 5:11 “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up …”

·         Heb. 3:13 “But encourage one another daily …”

I’m seeing that there is still a game plan, a role for me to play.